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Thread: Can You Understand My English?


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Permlink Replies: 16 - Pages: 2 [ 1 2 | Next ] - Last Post: Jul 17, 2017 5:08 AM Last Post By: Paula Zenan Kim
Paula Zenan Kim

Posts: 31
Registered: 12/22/16
Can You Understand My English?
Posted: Jul 12, 2017 8:25 AM
 
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Hello!

I'm not an English native speaker.

I began to write my first novel, and this is the preface!

Can you understand my English?

PREFACE

My family has reared this and that many kinds of pets.

I can't remember, but my parents told me that my family had reared some rabbits and chickens in a detached house where we had lived, till I was 7 and a half years old.
After that, my family had reared some Jindo dogs that died from a car accident or didn't have place in our home for a long time.
And in my childhood my family also reared a black tabby cat, that ignored me and my younger sister too much, though it had a good pedigree.

A mongrel Ppobby that came our home when I was in fifth grade, and another mongrel Yebby that came 2 years later, had left our home, after living 14 years and 12 years each,
never to return…

After that, watching TV, I came to know about a little unseen pet.
I was thinking about where I could get them, and one day, when I was standing in front of Midopa Department Store now missing, I found a man of my age,
taking the pets in a glass cage!
Since I was so glad to see them, I asked him where he got them, and he told me Midopa Department Store was selling them…
Immediately, I bought a couple of them costing a great deal of money in that day, and also buying a plastic cage to take with me, I became an owner of mini hamsters,
in that way.

Edited by: Paula Zenan Kim on Jul 12, 2017 8:26 AM

writerbn

Posts: 5,642
Registered: 05/12/12
Re: Can You Understand My English?
Posted: Jul 12, 2017 8:46 AM   in response to: Paula Zenan Kim in response to: Paula Zenan Kim
 
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It's understandable, but there are grammatical and stylistic errors that mark it as written by an ESL speaker/writer. I'd suggest getting an editor who is a native English speaker.
Donna St Felix

Posts: 6,077
Registered: 09/18/13
Re: Can You Understand My English?
Posted: Jul 12, 2017 8:46 AM   in response to: Paula Zenan Kim in response to: Paula Zenan Kim
 
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Congratulations on trying to tackle the English language. You are doing a pretty good job.
The basic point is understandable, although with errors. Unfortunately, you are not ready for a book using it though.
Moshe Ben-Or

Posts: 588
Registered: 12/28/15
Re: Can You Understand My English?
Posted: Jul 12, 2017 12:06 PM   in response to: Paula Zenan Kim in response to: Paula Zenan Kim
 
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Sorry, your sentence structure is still Korean. Worse, you are literally translating Korean colloquialisms instead of using English equivalents. Instead of using appropriate English words, you are picking the first-order translation of a Korean word, e.g. your use of "reared". This generally results in clunky language that simply lies dead on the page.

In general, the sample reads as a poor translation of a Korean novel, not as an original English-language novel. Your best bet, at this point, is to write the thing in Korean. Your English is fine for business settings and scientific journals, but it will not work for a novel.
allan dudson

Posts: 266
Registered: 04/21/15
Re: Can You Understand My English?
Posted: Jul 12, 2017 11:22 PM   in response to: Paula Zenan Kim in response to: Paula Zenan Kim
 
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Yes it is understandable, but not good enough to write a book. Well done for trying though, it is very good for a speaker of English as a second language. My wife is from Thailand and she can speak English well after living in the U.K. for over fifteen years. If my wife would like to write a book in English, I would have her tell me first what she would like to write and then I would write it down for her. Maybe this is something that you could do. Alternatively, you could write the whole thing down yourself and then get a native English speaker to re-write the manuscript in correct English. You did really well though, I can't even write my name in Thai.
Good luck. All the best... Allan.
Carol Menges

Posts: 285
Registered: 12/10/12
Re: Can You Understand My English?
Posted: Jul 13, 2017 10:16 AM   in response to: writerbn in response to: writerbn
 
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I agree. If you want the main character to sound like a person who knows English as a second language, it'll be fine. But that ought to be clear to the reader from the beginning, as a part of the definition of the character or else readers will become annoyed, thinking you should have had an editor smooth out the rough edges.
allan dudson

Posts: 266
Registered: 04/21/15
Re: Can You Understand My English?
Posted: Jul 14, 2017 12:04 AM   in response to: Carol Menges in response to: Carol Menges
 
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Correct, but it would have to state that the whole manuscript is written as a narrative by an ESL speaker. If the written words were to stray from a narrative, it would have to be written with the correct grammar. In my book, I very occasionally quote a Thai native speaking English. I would always do this by writing something like :-
She replied in her best attempt at English, "I can go shop tomorrow but I go you now". I would only use broken English within speach marks if it were necessary to portray an ESL speaker. I think it would be difficult to read if the whole story was narrated in broken English. It may be alright for some readers to get to grips with it, so it might be worth a try. It would certainly be easier to follow it as an audio book.
All the best... Allan.
Carol Menges

Posts: 285
Registered: 12/10/12
Re: Can You Understand My English?
Posted: Jul 14, 2017 10:45 AM   in response to: allan dudson in response to: allan dudson
 
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Right. The whole book would have to come out of the mind and mouth of a main character who doesn't have first-hand command of the English language, as told by him/her.
Cynthia E. Hurst

Posts: 1,845
Registered: 02/25/13
Re: Can You Understand My English?
Posted: Jul 14, 2017 11:13 AM   in response to: Paula Zenan Kim in response to: Paula Zenan Kim
 
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As others have said, your English may be all right for conversation, but not good enough for a published book. I also have to say that unless you are aiming at a very young audience, a story about your pets is not going to attract many readers.
Paula Zenan Kim

Posts: 31
Registered: 12/22/16
Re: Can You Understand My English?
Posted: Jul 17, 2017 5:01 AM   in response to: writerbn in response to: writerbn
 
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I would think about it. Thanks.
Paula Zenan Kim

Posts: 31
Registered: 12/22/16
Re: Can You Understand My English?
Posted: Jul 17, 2017 5:01 AM   in response to: Donna St Felix in response to: Donna St Felix
 
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I see. Thanks.
Paula Zenan Kim

Posts: 31
Registered: 12/22/16
Re: Can You Understand My English?
Posted: Jul 17, 2017 5:04 AM   in response to: Moshe Ben-Or in response to: Moshe Ben-Or
 
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Thanks for your insightful analysis.
Paula Zenan Kim

Posts: 31
Registered: 12/22/16
Re: Can You Understand My English?
Posted: Jul 17, 2017 5:04 AM   in response to: allan dudson in response to: allan dudson
 
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Haha, thanks.
Paula Zenan Kim

Posts: 31
Registered: 12/22/16
Re: Can You Understand My English?
Posted: Jul 17, 2017 5:05 AM   in response to: Carol Menges in response to: Carol Menges
 
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Thanks for your advice.
Paula Zenan Kim

Posts: 31
Registered: 12/22/16
Re: Can You Understand My English?
Posted: Jul 17, 2017 5:06 AM   in response to: allan dudson in response to: allan dudson
 
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Haha, now I came to know why there are audio books on Amazon. Thanks.
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