I am afraid that I am awful at blurbs myself, but having read the description I would say that you need to trim the second paragraph - perhaps include less detail. That's the best I can give you, I'm afraid. I will however say that I rarely read the genre I have downloaded and will review when done.
The "see inside" feature had me hooked pretty much straight away! The cover too is absolutely superb!
Thank you!! I appreciate the advice and support. Glad you liked the cover! I have a book group following me on Twitter and I sent a link to them this morning about my book - they have tens of thousands of followers and they retweeted for me. If you have a book link just send it over and I will tweet that to them as well to see if they retweet it - by way of thanks for being the first to respond to my post lol!
Thanks! Okay, I'm definitely going to get that second paragraph looked at, as both of you have mentioned that one. Same goes for you re my other message ( if you want to send your book link I will tweet for you and hopefully get it retweeted)
Great idea about the title, will get that on when it comes off the free promo. I know, it does sound a bit like an old man - I knew I should never have let my husband talk me into naming the main character after his granddad!!!!
Great cover! I like the blurb, it definitely captures your attention.
I agree with the above posts. The second paragraph is not needed. You already got them hooked with the first.
Good Luck! Looks like your free day is doing wonderful!
I just downloaded it and will take a look at it this week. If I can post a good review I will do so. I don't post bad reviews on fellow indies books-if I don't think I can post a good one, I'll message you and let you know why.
I agree with the above statements. The book looks good, and I look forward to reading it. Good Luck!
Thank you! Definitely taking out that second paragraph! Free download day not going so well - it only shows about 25 downloads across the board nine hours into the promo! Mind you, I have managed to get 2 in Spain for the first time ever!
You're a star, thank you so much. If you post a good review, that's great. If you don't, the feedback will be REALLY useful. So you will be helping me either way and I really appreciate it. If you want to send the feedback directly to me my email is email@example.com
If you get rid of the second paragraph and maybe the third, your blurb will be good. I would also redo the lettering on your cover. If it was metallic silver with blue highlights it would fit with your picture better. (Just a thought) Sometimes it pays to have an illustrator paint the cover and a graphic designer add the title. Here's one of mine. I suck at writing blurbs too. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B006XO0OLM
Wow, liking that cover Lizardberry! I agree that the writing on my cover doesn't really stand out, that was one of the things I was worried about. I will have to revisit this and see what I can do. All the hard work really does start after you've written the book doesn't it lol!