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Thread: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY UNSUPPORTIVE PARTNER


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Permlink Replies: 69 - Pages: 5 [ Previous | 1 2 3 4 5 | Next ] - Last Post: Apr 10, 2012 7:13 PM Last Post By: supportivehusband
gregbwalker

Posts: 66
Registered: 01/12/12
Re: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY UNSUPPORTIVE PARTNER
Posted: Apr 7, 2012 7:48 AM   in response to: philcyberia in response to: philcyberia
 
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I'm not to far into my publishing "career", but previously I had tried to make a go at being a landscape photographer. My wife would throw up roadblocks at every turn and then complain that all I did was waste money, not make it. I told her that while some people say they couldn't have done it without the support of their spouse, I will have to say I did it in spite of my spouse (if success is ever found) - and also that she would, as you mentioned, see herself as entitled to any monetary benefits despite an unwillingness to share the financial and emotional sacrifices necessary to get to that point.

I ultimately realized that with three children, the photography was an impossible dream for now without sacrificing my family. But if it had just been her and me, don't know what the outcome might have been. So far I haven't heard much about the writing, probably because I write at night when she and the kids are in bed, and it doesn't really cost anything except my time. We'll see in the long run what happens. But to me divorce is the last possible resort in the best interests of my children.
jasonzchristie

Posts: 137
Registered: 11/28/11
Re: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY UNSUPPORTIVE PARTNER
Posted: Apr 7, 2012 8:01 AM   in response to: philcyberia in response to: philcyberia
 
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I wrote my first novel in jail, 400 pages in 30 days. Didn't finish it. When I get back home, it sat on the shelf for two years. My wife never even bothered to type it up for me.

One of the reasons I got divorced after 25 years. My fiancee has typed up FIVE novels for me, and encouraged me to write more.

Get out of that relationship is my advice.
scbeam

Posts: 247
Registered: 05/29/11
Re: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY UNSUPPORTIVE PARTNER
Posted: Apr 7, 2012 8:02 AM   in response to: philcyberia in response to: philcyberia
 
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If I believed certain family members about my work I would have given up. A small press became interested in my work and published some of it. This helped me gain some legitimacy and I no longer get pounded for taking time to write.
etspress

Posts: 418
Registered: 10/22/11
Re: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY UNSUPPORTIVE PARTNER
Posted: Apr 7, 2012 9:40 AM   in response to: philcyberia in response to: philcyberia
 
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Lack of positive support is one thing, but you are describing something else entirely. No one deserves to be treated this way.
sargeking

Posts: 4,610
Registered: 01/13/10
Re: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY UNSUPPORTIVE PARTNER
Posted: Apr 7, 2012 10:47 AM   in response to: philcyberia in response to: philcyberia
 
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I used to have an unsupportive partner. Then I divorced her. I do owe her a small debt. She inspired me to write a story about how a jilted lover drowned his former girlfriend in her own swimming pool. The incident is so graphic it was banned in Utah. Someday I'll include it in my "Collected Works!"
robethpublishin...

Posts: 2,789
Registered: 12/09/09
Re: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY UNSUPPORTIVE PARTNER
Posted: Apr 7, 2012 11:19 AM   in response to: jasonzchristie in response to: jasonzchristie
 
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[b]My wife never even bothered to type it up for me.[/b]

Really??? Can't imagine expecting my husband to type up my manuscript. Seriously.
philcyberia

Posts: 393
Registered: 01/15/12
Re: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY UNSUPPORTIVE PARTNER
Posted: Apr 7, 2012 11:25 AM   in response to: robethpublishin... in response to: robethpublishin...
 
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Just wanted to let you guys all know that we are not really married in the strict sense (if you know what I mean) any longer. We basically just live in the same house and share the bills and two cats. He is harmless enough, he's just an idiot, which is what I put his stupid comments down to! Everytime he makes these stupid comments I think about kicking him out because I get so angry and frustrated but then I calm down again (plus I wouldnt be able to afford the rent and bills on my own!)

Message was edited by: philcyberia
ajasperg

Posts: 86
Registered: 02/17/12
Re: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY UNSUPPORTIVE PARTNER
Posted: Apr 7, 2012 11:42 AM   in response to: philcyberia in response to: philcyberia
 
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My advice would be to not discuss the book with him. Why bother when you know the outcome?
Get your support from positive influences in your life, and discuss your frustrations and excitement with them.
In the meantime, good luck!
gojake

Posts: 321
Registered: 07/29/11
Re: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY UNSUPPORTIVE PARTNER
Posted: Apr 7, 2012 11:49 AM   in response to: philcyberia in response to: philcyberia
 
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If your passion falls on blind eyes if the person you're with it hurts, destroys and doesn't get better

I heard it all. My last husband and I had 3 was the least supportive his lack of support was an issue because it bothered me he would read a word I wrote.

I think it's me as a writer tho. I'm pretty supportive my children are in their twenties and all creative I read their stuff listen to their music observe their art and wayj their Indy films ... With pride

Only one of my four kids read. The others will listen to me has out details and advise but the one who reads just won't read anything I write at all. She reads four books a week in the genre I write but won't read mine. I have a lot of books, I make a living from it. It irks me. I said something once she said she would but never did. So ...

Just know non supportive people who live with you are a source of tension. I hope it gets better and I feel your pain
jamesfc

Posts: 2,300
Registered: 08/14/11
Re: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY UNSUPPORTIVE PARTNER
Posted: Apr 7, 2012 12:00 PM   in response to: philcyberia in response to: philcyberia
 
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[b]Have been through this garbage all my life and watched others have the same experience, which is why I wrote a book about it.
The FREEDOM BOOK. Might give you some ideas. Good luck!
[i]James[/i][/b]
http://www.mindtech.com.vu/freedom.htm
saxon21

Posts: 2,884
Registered: 03/05/11
Re: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY UNSUPPORTIVE PARTNER
Posted: Apr 7, 2012 12:38 PM   in response to: philcyberia in response to: philcyberia
 
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My wife is not an avid reader and though she's a college graduate, she doesn't enjoy reading. I have nine books on Amazon and she's only read the first one, although she promises to get to the others.

However, she is the one that literally forced me to attend a workshop on publishing on Amazon and B&N. She has purchased great books on the Universe and technology. She sits alone most evenings and watches TV while I grind away on the back porch writing. She says OUR success is a gift from God. Without her pushing me, none of this would have happened.

This year I'm going to write from a porch in Tuscany with her by my side. Love..real love...never uses the term loser. the pride I see in her eyes in what I've accomplished has made it all worth it.
wendy-unsworth

Posts: 174
Registered: 01/25/12
Re: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY UNSUPPORTIVE PARTNER
Posted: Apr 7, 2012 1:46 PM   in response to: philcyberia in response to: philcyberia
 
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Your book looks delightful! I have downloaded and tweeted! Keep your chin up - many of us find marketing difficult. Believe in your writing, you obviously have talent. :)

  • Wendy

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00719ODS8
misternixter

Posts: 1,149
Registered: 04/20/11
Re: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY UNSUPPORTIVE PARTNER
Posted: Apr 7, 2012 2:05 PM   in response to: philcyberia in response to: philcyberia
 
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I am sorry you have such an unsupportive husband. You deserve a lot better. Nobody should have their dreams put down that way.

I am on my third ( and last) marriage. My first wife belittled everything I did, which forced me to work harder to become successful in the newspaper business. But the more I accomplished, the more she resented it. Looking back now, I realize I worked so hard because it gave me an excuse not to go home any sooner than I had to, just to avoid the put downs and the bickering.

That marriage ended and I spent the next few years trying to get my feet back under me and raising my son as a single parent. Eventually I married a cute little blonde 10 years younger than me who was as dumb as a rock. Standing in front of the justice of the peace while he married us, all I could think was "What the hell are you doing? You don't really want this." That lasted six miserable years, and while she never put me down for what I did, she really didn't care either as long as she had a nice car to drive and lots of jewelry to wear. But I had better conversations with my German shepherd.

Eventually she left for greener pastures, and I told all of my friends that if I ever said I was getting married again, to please shoot me, because I'd been married twice and shot twice, and it was easier and cheaper to get over being shot than being married.

Only weeks later did I realize that I was falling in love with an incredibly beautiful, incredibly intelligent, and incredible supportive woman I had known for years and merely considered an acquaintance. And she was feeling the same way too! She had been single for 14 years after two bad marriages, and had sworn off love. (Kind of makes me wonder what the hell kind of trolls she must have passed on to settle with short, fat, bald little me!)

Long story short (or at least shorter) we have been married almost fifteen years now and every day is better than the day before. She is my greatest fan, my greatest champion, my greatest encouragement, and my best friend. She makes me want to be a better person and a better writer. We'll both be 60 this year, and we still hold hands everywhere we go, I still open doors for her, and the first words out of both of us each and every morning when we wake up is "I love you" and it's the last thing we say to each other every night. Without her gentle encouragement, I'd have never posted my first book to Kindle or seen any of the success I have here.

I guess the point of all of this is that only YOU can decide what you want and deserve out of life. But I've had the good and I've had the bad in relationships. Trust me, the good is so very much better. I look back on my life, and the only true regrets I have are that I waited so long to be happy. You deserve that happiness too, my friend. If you can't get it in your present relationship, trust me, there are people out there who will help make you feel that way. Life is way too short to spend even one day not being happy and appreciated.

http://www.facebook.com/NickRussellAuthor
gojake

Posts: 321
Registered: 07/29/11
Re: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY UNSUPPORTIVE PARTNER
Posted: Apr 7, 2012 2:26 PM   in response to: misternixter in response to: misternixter
 
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Wow Nick Wow

I had tears. Well said. After my last and 3rd marriage I swore off live, relationships and been alone. For as non supportive, abusive and controlling as the last husband was., I owe him for breaking my heart. Had he not crushed me I wouldn't have thrown myself into my work.

I have been single for 4 years now and your post, Nick has been the first time I had an inkling of maybe there's more out there

Very powerful message to all and to the OP
authorjtbrown

Posts: 113
Registered: 04/05/11
Re: DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A REALLY UNSUPPORTIVE PARTNER
Posted: Apr 7, 2012 2:33 PM   in response to: misternixter in response to: misternixter
 
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I love your story, you and your wife should write a romance novel on how you met each other, although with a fictional sense. It would be fun read with the emotional rollercoaster of the first marriage, and the funny keepsakes of the second, and how you both found each other after the craziness of life. It could have humor, pain, and a happy ending.

I would def. read it. :o)
A story like that should be told through a novel, all great novels come from the heart, rather if it is in fictional sense.

Thanks for sharing....

As far as the conversation goes,
Being a writer is tough, nobody understands your time and effort, they look at it as time being taken away from them when they should look at it as a strive for the better.
I have found over the years, who is true, and who should have never been in my life in the first place.
I only share my writing endeavors with a few select, and have completely looked at relationships in a different way.
You chose your future and success, the ones who are by your side should be the only ones that shall be with you in the future.
Because I think about tossing many off my band wagon, even if it is your truest love.
I wish you all luck, and know that life is short, and you are the only ones that can change your life. :o)
Legend
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