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Permlink Replies: 42 - Pages: 3 [ 1 2 3 | Next ] - Last Post: Apr 13, 2012 4:35 PM Last Post By: donnellpb
donnellpb

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Post your book description to get help improving it.
Posted: Apr 12, 2012 10:25 AM
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Hi Everyone,

This thread is to help authors improve their book descriptions so they can get more sales.

Authors are welcome to post their book description for other authors to scrutinize, evaluate and improve.

All input is voluntary and should be provided with the best intention to help improve the description.

Please, keep all interactions supportive and collaborative.

Good luck with your book sales.

Patrick
robethpublishin...

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Re: Post your book description to get help improving it.
Posted: Apr 12, 2012 10:44 AM   in response to: donnellpb in response to: donnellpb
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lins777

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Re: Post your book description to get help improving it.
Posted: Apr 12, 2012 10:49 AM   in response to: donnellpb in response to: donnellpb
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Deleted...sorry Patrick will re-do later

Sorry, deleted

Message was edited by: lins777

lins777

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Re: Post your book description to get help improving it.
Posted: Apr 12, 2012 10:50 AM   in response to: lins777 in response to: lins777
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Sorry, I appear to have bounced you. After you :-)

This post was for Robert...sorry!

Message was edited by: lins777
donnellpb

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Re: Post your book description to get help improving it.
Posted: Apr 12, 2012 12:49 PM   in response to: lins777 in response to: lins777
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Hi lins777,

Sorry I had a delay. My day job actually needed me for a few hours.

When you repost, also include a few things to help me frame some ideas.

For example, include genre and target audience. Try to be somewhat specific like age range and m/f.

I will put some thoughts together for you and let's see if they are worth implementing.

I am happy to help. Also, encourage others to participate.

There is a lot that can be accomplished to increase sales for our fellow authors.

Patrick
amb50

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Re: Post your book description to get help improving it.
Posted: Apr 12, 2012 12:53 PM   in response to: donnellpb in response to: donnellpb
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Great idea for a thread Patrick !!

Best wishes,
Anna
lins777

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Re: Post your book description to get help improving it.
Posted: Apr 12, 2012 12:59 PM   in response to: donnellpb in response to: donnellpb
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Patrick, whilst I think this is a wonderful idea, I do feel rather vulnerable, and as someone who doesn't really have too much confidence, I'm just wondering how you are going to 'police' this!

But...here goes...My books is called TWISTED (hope I don't get any 1* tomo..)

I guess my target audience is for the thriller/suspense peeps - anywhere from mid 20's to mid 80's? I think that my book appeals more to the female thriller reader, although I've never worked out why?

Pippa thinks she’ll never have the strength or courage to leave Rod, her abusive husband.
Rod believes that his violent behaviour towards everyone in his life is justified.
Vera, Rod’s ex-wife is positive that her life is over.
Ali, the younger of Rod’s two daughters thinks she’s in love.
Lucy, Ali’s older sister has a dark, terrible secret she believes can never be told.
And the police are convinced Rod is a murderer.

There is one truth that connects them all. They are all wrong. Life is about to change dramatically...for every one of them.

Patrick , I have faith in you...
donnellpb

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Re: Post your book description to get help improving it.
Posted: Apr 12, 2012 1:24 PM   in response to: lins777 in response to: lins777
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Hi Lins777,

Your writeup is already good. So, don't feel vulnerable. You already are displaying talent.

I will take a shot at it. Here are some initial thoughts.

I cannot tell if Ali and Lucy are the daughter of Vera or Pippa. Also, cannot tell their age. I made the assumption they are young and still at home.

Set the hook to get interest, then build anticipation to a crescendo. Make the reader empathize with her and hate him.

For example.

Beaten, bloody and confused, Pippa is just glad the day is over. Her body has not quit shaking as she sits at the broken kitchen table. She cannot picture her life without Rod as she tries to understand what she did to deserve this abuse. She wants to sleep and is quietly waiting for Rod to pass out before daring to go into the bedroom. She promised herself once again that she would leave if he ever did this.

Rod snuggled under the warmth of his blankets feeling satisfied in his masculinity after giving Pippa what she deserved. He knows that his kind of strength is what other people require. After all, it was what he learned from his father.

His daughters stay silent in their room so daddy does not turn his anger towards them. Ali tries to comfort herself thinking about the boy she has fallen in love with. Lucy, the oldest, grits her teeth pushing back the pain of the dark secret that can never be told. She turns her thoughts toward her real mother Vera and hopes she can keep from giving up on life when she is older. She crushes her eyelids together keeping the tears from showing as the realization comes to her that misery just runs in the family.

Rod drifts off to sleep wondering if the police still think he is a murderer.

There is one truth that connects them all. They are all wrong. Life is about to change dramatically...for every one of them.



This is just some initial thoughts. I would invite others to do a similar introduction or improve on the ones provided. Remember, this is the first impression a reader gets about your book.

Keep up the good work.

Patrick
amb50

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Re: Post your book description to get help improving it.
Posted: Apr 12, 2012 1:32 PM   in response to: donnellpb in response to: donnellpb
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Hi Patrick,

Here's mine..

Her head was yanked back by the hair as a large, tanned hand moved menacingly down her throat. Her sobs flecked his shirt with tears, which now flowed freely, their salty water aggravating the wounds accumulated on her naked flesh over the endless days she had been held captive. The end must be near now and she was so sure that it must end. She tried in vain one last time to wrench free her hands, but the bindings held firm. Knees, so long on the floor, would not have held her up anyway - had she tried to run. He was calm; she was wretched. Instinctively, she pulled her thighs to her abdomen to protect her unborn child. His hands tightened, her eyes widened - pleading. His pressure did not relent and slowly everything faded…

After months of mental and physical therapy, Yvonne Giles, an Oxford DI, is back at work and that's just how she likes it. So when she is asked to hunt the serial killer responsible for taking apart young women, the DI jumps at the chance but hides the fact that she is suffering debilitating flashbacks. The victims appear to meet their murderer willingly, telling their families they're going on vacation. No one sees them again until their macabre death scenes. A quirk of the killer's signature is the food and wine stains he leaves on the backs of the girls.
Yvonne is told to work with Tasha Phillips, an in-her-face, criminal psychologist. The DI's previous experience of working with a profiler involved having a case thrown out by the Crown Prosecution Service for reasons of entrapment. She's not enamoured with the idea of working with one again. Tasha has a lot to prove. The DI has a lot to get over.
A tentative link with a 20 year-old cold case brings her closer to the truth, but leaves her staring her own mortality directly in the face...

Best wishes,
Anna
amb50

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Re: Post your book description to get help improving it.
Posted: Apr 12, 2012 1:33 PM   in response to: lins777 in response to: lins777
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Hi Lins !!
donnellpb

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Re: Post your book description to get help improving it.
Posted: Apr 12, 2012 1:41 PM   in response to: amb50 in response to: amb50
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Hi Anna,

Wow, that is good. I will take a look at it. You write emotion very well.

Patrick

Message was edited by: donnellpb
lins777

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Re: Post your book description to get help improving it.
Posted: Apr 12, 2012 1:49 PM   in response to: amb50 in response to: amb50
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Hi Anna - had a good day? You're still flying up there in the top 100! What an amazing achievement! Not surprising though, you're books is superb. I stayed up till past midnight last night, cusring you quietly, whilst sipping the last of my tea. Stone cold tea. As I drank it sent shivvers through my body. God, she sighed...I hate cold tea. I need something hot!

Oops, sorry, went into writer mode :-) Will speak to you later. x

aussiewriter23

Posts: 522
Registered: 12/17/11
Re: Post your book description to get help improving it.
Posted: Apr 12, 2012 1:50 PM   in response to: lins777 in response to: lins777
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My initial impression about your book description is that it's very easy to get confused with who is who and who relates to who, and who exactly the book is about, with so many names present.

My only advice (and I'm no expert, just trying to see it as a reader might do) is to strongly identify who your main character is in your blurb and then pose a puzzle about them.

Then add in other names if you feel it's necessary or refer to them in a more general sense.

That's my 2c, others will probably disagree. I'm pretty crap at writing blurbs, lol.
amb50

Posts: 385
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Re: Post your book description to get help improving it.
Posted: Apr 12, 2012 1:54 PM   in response to: donnellpb in response to: donnellpb
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HI Patrick , thankyou for your compliment, I was wondering if it was a bit long as well..

Best wishes,
Anna
amb50

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Registered: 02/03/12
Re: Post your book description to get help improving it.
Posted: Apr 12, 2012 1:55 PM   in response to: lins777 in response to: lins777
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Ok, speak to you later Lins , sorry about the cold tea ;-)

Anna x
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