Took a look at [i]Hawk's Legend[/i]. The text is generally consistent, which is good, but there are a few issues that you'll probably want to fix.
1. The cover image should generally not be included in the book contents itself, especially when you already have an embedded cover image. If you are going to include it, it's a good idea to center the image on the page to account for scenarios where a reader's display is wider than it is tall (common for Kindle for PC/Mac or landscape orientation on a Kindle device).
2. You're lacking proper page breaks. If you're working in Word you'll want to insert these with the Insert > Page Break command or CTRL-Enter just before each chapter. Remove any blank lines at the end of a previous chapter or section.
3. In a few places there are some stray first-line indents, such as the heading for Table of Contents. Due to differences in default behavior between Mobi7 and KF8, this will not always be visible on every reading platform. An easy fix for chapter headings is to simply center them, though there are ways to ensure that they are flush to the left margin. A common "hack" for Word is to set the first-line indent to "0.01 inches." Not exactly ideal, but it does basically work fine.
4. Your TOC entries suffer from this same indentation problem. You will also want to remove the page numbers, since these don't really make sense in the context of a Kindle eBook.
5. The basic paragraphs have both first line indents [i]and[/i] space between. You will want to pick one or the other (generally indented for fiction) and apply that consistently to all of your primary text. There are also some paragraphs where the first line indent is of variable size, by applying a consistent style in Word you should be able to correct that.
If appears, without looking at the source, that you may have used blank paragraphs to put space between. You'll want to remove those and instead use the "paragraph > spacing after" style feature in Word to achieve this effect, if it is desired.
6. Not exactly a formatting issue, but your ellipsis are a bit all over the place. In general you will want to use the ellipsis character specifically for these (which will generally autocorrect in Word, or can be inserted manually). If you are typing them manually you will want to use three consecutive periods within a sentence, with a fourth period if the ellipsis falls at the tail end of a sentence that should include in a period.
There may be some additional things that I missed in this quick review, but correcting the issues I've mentioned should go a long way toward a clean, professional appearance. In the future you may also wish to enable the Goto > TOC option and the NCX table of contents. The former is probably a bit more important than the latter, but both will lend your book a more credible presentation.
Overall I don't think you're that far from a really decent result. Pretty minor issues in the greater scheme of things.
Thanks for the replies gang..... it helps. Guess my biggest problem is I really need an editor and they don't come cheap.
Also I really don't know how to use Word (no training in the least) What I know I've picked up here and there.
I started adding the covers in my books as a quick way to copyright my artwork and requests from my readers that used the .pdf format (guessed they liked to look at them??? I did remove the cover from my latest novel once I saw Kindle wanted it in a .jpeg.
I also found (as you noticed) I use ...... for a characters to pause longer than a "," pause.
Spacing was another issue I struggled with..... Publishers always shoved text together to save paper and compact books. Many of my readers had mentioned during commutes, a bump would cause them to temporarily lose their spot.... So I decided to spread my sentences out a bit and got great feed back (lol, I didn't have to worry about wasting paper)
Never knew about using page breaks at the end of each chapter..... Great tip (now if I can remember it ;-D
Hawk's Legend is actually my first book.... Satan's Tear was my last. Hopefully I have improved somewhat in my formatting.... I should have mentioned that point (my bad)
Not sure what you meant ....." Goto > TOC option " or the "NCX"
Lol, I never knew about the "Carriage return" until it was pointed out by one of the sites that hosts my Hawk;s Legend trilogy. I redid H1 & 2 once he pointed it out.... That I managed to remember.
OH BTW, I should mention I'm a border line Dyslexic and tend to transpose letters...
And I never had any formal typing so one hand types faster than the other.... and.... 'sigh', I still look at the keys most of the time...... Lol, all those thing and I still write.
I kind of tell my fan mail I consider myself more of a story teller, than a novelist or author..... Sadly now I have to be so careful with editing and formatting.... just to sell my works may take some of the enjoyment out of it. Maybe some day I'll be able to afford an editor/formatting checker