Bookshelf | Reports | Community | KDP Select

Home » Amazon KDP Support » Ask the Community » General Questions

Thread: I need a Review for "Island of Yoi"


This question is answered.

Reply to this Thread Reply to this Thread Search Forum Search Forum Back to Thread List Back to Thread List

Permlink Replies: 88 - Pages: 6 [ Previous | 1 2 3 4 5 6 | Next ] - Last Post: May 14, 2013 5:19 PM Last Post By: lwards
Msgris

Posts: 26
Registered: 12/02/12
Re: I need a Review for "Island of Yoi"
Posted: May 8, 2013 12:51 AM   in response to: andresanthomas in response to: andresanthomas
 
Click to report abuse...   Click to reply to this thread Reply
Do it, you'll make a fortune. I know I'd buy one!
booknookbiz

Posts: 4,275
Registered: 03/04/10
Re: I need a Review for "Island of Yoi"
Posted: May 8, 2013 1:36 AM   in response to: Marquis Mills in response to: Marquis Mills
 
Click to report abuse...   Click to reply to this thread Reply
Well, Marquis:

Do I understand your post to mean that you expect me to buy your book and read the entire thing? Is that right? Prior to providing you with the constructive criticism you requested? I'm sorry, but I don't need to buy the entire book; I can see most of the issues with the writing from the free sample.

Here's the constructive criticism: I wouldn't buy it. I wouldn't take it if free, because the huge number of grammatical and punctuation errors--not typos--would make me skip right past it. This is why your book is not selling; this is why you have only had one sale. GLDrummond already pointed out some of the immediate issues. However, you have quite a lot of problems in the book. You are either willing to hear the truth or you are not. What I'm saying to you isn't "opinion" on the quality of the story-telling; what I'm trying to say to you is that the sheer number of off-putting errors means that people who enjoy reading are not ever going to get to your story, because all the mistakes will stop them from buying the book. Like your response to one poster, who pointed out a grammar error--"it makes sense. You have to read it, and then you'll understand it." That's not viable. People don't read what you intended. They only read what you actually put on the page. And telling someone to read the entire book in order to "get" one badly-written sentence makes, forgive me, no sense.

Your sentence structure is very poor, frequently omitting verbs and nouns, sometimes both. You mix tenses (past and present) from sentence to sentence; sometimes in the same sentence. I started to copy and paste a bunch of examples in here, but GL is right: I already have my answer. You're not interested in what's actually wrong; you apparently only wanted people to post here and praise it. I'd strongly recommend that you take some Creative Writing classes; then you should seek out a critique group, and learn to take constructive criticism. Quite bluntly, you have a lot of editing and rewriting to do, because right now, the writing is getting in the WAY of the storytelling. I'm sorry, but that is the situation. Your story might be great, but no one is going to find out, because the blurb and the free sample are of less-than-stellar quality. You cannot have a brilliant story told badly; people won't plow through really poorly-written material to "find" a good story. You have to entice them with at least good, if not great, quality of writing as well. At the moment, your creative writing skills need training and rework. That's my best advice to you. I'm quite certain you won't listen to it; and that's why you don't see a lot of other people adding material to this thread--because of your responses, indicating that you are not willing to hear what people really think about the quality of your writing. I can recommend several very worthwhile critique groups if you are interested, although I don't expect a positive response to that, either.

You should try to remember that what you have done is create a product that is now for sale to the general public. It's not art; it's not your heart's labor; it's a simple product that's for sale. Just like a vacuum cleaner, if people don't like what they see, they won't buy it. Right now, you have not put the best "face" on your product, and that, quite simply, is why it is not selling. You're now an entrepreneur, and you need to consider your product just like any other businessman. If your product isn't selling, you need to ask yourself, truthfully, why. If you are not able to handle the (thus far) very polite criticism you've received on this forum, then you are most certainly not ready for the type of reviews you'll receive.

Best of luck to you.

Hitch
We produce ebooks
Listed as an Amazon Professional Conversion Service: http://bit.ly/uFwMwb
An INScribe Preferred Conversion Partner
http://www.booknook.biz/
Follow me on Twitter: @BookNookBiz
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur."
  • Red Adair
notjohn

Posts: 15,239
Registered: 01/06/10
Re: I need a Review for "Island of Yoi"
Posted: May 8, 2013 3:20 AM   in response to: booknookbiz in response to: booknookbiz
 
Click to report abuse...   Click to reply to this thread Reply
the sheer number of off-putting errors means that people who enjoy reading are not ever going to get to your story, because all the mistakes will stop them from buying the book.

Jeff Bezos will have much to answer for, when he goes to meet his Maker, for having unleased the KDP (and especially KDP Select) upon the world.
crazywriterlady

Posts: 4,230
Registered: 09/18/12
Re: I need a Review for "Island of Yoi"
Posted: May 8, 2013 6:00 AM   in response to: andresanthomas in response to: andresanthomas
 
Click to report abuse...   Click to reply to this thread Reply
Thanks! My cut on each sale is only 10%. ;)
crazywriterlady

Posts: 4,230
Registered: 09/18/12
Re: I need a Review for "Island of Yoi"
Posted: May 8, 2013 6:11 AM   in response to: booknookbiz in response to: booknookbiz
 
Click to report abuse...   Click to reply to this thread Reply
Good, honest stuff there, but I'm afraid you and gldrummond are wasting your "breath". Heartfelt critiques are seen as attacks, and creative writing classes are wasted if one doesn't have the basics of English down.

He either won't or can't see past the birth of his wonderful baby. It's not uncommon here, or on other sites. "Everyone" one may love the story, as he claims, but one sale says it all.
Kara Haskins

Posts: 2,664
Registered: 11/13/12
Re: I need a Review for "Island of Yoi"
Posted: May 8, 2013 6:58 AM   in response to: Kara Haskins in response to: Kara Haskins
 
Click to report abuse...   Click to reply to this thread Reply
' If you fixed the things mentioned above, and priced it competitively at, say, $2.99 or $3.99, you'd most likely get far more sales, and some reviews would follow. '

Please do note I am not suggesting you ONLY drop your price!
Marquis Mills

Posts: 37
Registered: 05/06/13
Re: I need a Review for "Island of Yoi"
Posted: May 8, 2013 10:04 AM   in response to: Kara Haskins in response to: Kara Haskins
 
Click to report abuse...   Click to reply to this thread Reply
Would you relax....I have a job you know and I working on it!!!!
Msgris

Posts: 26
Registered: 12/02/12
Re: I need a Review for "Island of Yoi"
Posted: May 8, 2013 10:23 AM   in response to: Marquis Mills in response to: Marquis Mills
 
Click to report abuse...   Click to reply to this thread Reply
I know this is just a forum but if you can't be bothered to correct glaring errors such as "I working on it", it doesn't bode well for your writing. Is it that you can't see the mistakes you make or do you just not care?
booknookbiz

Posts: 4,275
Registered: 03/04/10
Re: I need a Review for "Island of Yoi"
Posted: May 8, 2013 1:01 PM   in response to: crazywriterlady in response to: crazywriterlady
 
Click to report abuse...   Click to reply to this thread Reply
He either won't or can't see past the birth of his wonderful baby. It's not uncommon here, or on other sites. "Everyone" one may love the story, as he claims, but one sale says it all.

Thanks, crazywriterlady, but I think that he literally doesn't see it. His responses indicate that he thinks he has typos, not real structural issues with sentences, paragraphs, and storytelling sequencing issues. For example, he has these Gods fighting over "Nirvana," which is, some sentences later, the 'afterlife." But this is before the "good" God creates the world that has life. If there's no life in the beginning of the story, what's the "after"-life for? Who is it for? The Good God creates the world, and life (his words) after the two Gods have this big fight over this Afterlife place. But it seems peculiar that they would fight over an afterlife that they don't need, as there aren't any other living beings at the time. I mean, that's one small example. The tenses thing is really difficult to read, as are all the sentences with missing verbs and nouns. I don't know if it's the result of too much text-messaging or working in a non-cradle language, but it constantly interrupts the narrative flow, making it impossible, to me, to get "into" the story.

I think that this is a very rough draft that has not had its six months of rewrites and edits. I think that the author got excited when he finished the story, as many first-time authors do, and published prematurely. (Premature pre-publication!). This simply requires one or two major self-edits by the author, and he might be very well served by a thorough edit by at least a line editor, if not a developmental editor. That's my two cents. We all know it's like quitting smoking, or dieting: he'll do it or he won't. All we can do is give some input. We can't "force" him to fix the book. ;-)

Hitch
We produce ebooks
Listed as an Amazon Professional Conversion Service: http://bit.ly/uFwMwb
An INScribe Preferred Conversion Partner
http://www.booknook.biz/
Follow me on Twitter: @BookNookBiz
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur."
  • Red Adair
Marquis Mills

Posts: 37
Registered: 05/06/13
Re: I need a Review for "Island of Yoi"
Posted: May 8, 2013 7:43 PM   in response to: Msgris in response to: Msgris
 
Click to report abuse...   Click to reply to this thread Reply
You know what the hell I meant crazywriterlady!!!!!!!

FYI

I was typing fast earlier.

Oh and if it makes you feel better.

I typing fast earlier.

Happy?

Edited by: Marquis Mills on May 8, 2013 8:21 PM
Marquis Mills

Posts: 37
Registered: 05/06/13
Re: I need a Review for "Island of Yoi"
Posted: May 8, 2013 8:08 PM   in response to: booknookbiz in response to: booknookbiz
 
Click to report abuse...   Click to reply to this thread Reply
When you use my words, make sure you QUOTE me.

Edited by: Marquis Mills on May 8, 2013 8:09 PM
1001nightspress

Posts: 3,873
Registered: 12/11/11
Re: I need a Review for "Island of Yoi"
Posted: May 8, 2013 9:21 PM   in response to: Marquis Mills in response to: Marquis Mills
 
Click to report abuse...   Click to reply to this thread Reply
Your book is perfect. Change nothing. Anyone who finds something to criticize is either a "grammar nazi" or a jealous competitor.

All you need is a lucky break or lots of advertising and promotion, and you'll make it big.
booknookbiz

Posts: 4,275
Registered: 03/04/10
Re: I need a Review for "Island of Yoi"
Posted: May 9, 2013 1:43 AM   in response to: Marquis Mills in response to: Marquis Mills
 
Click to report abuse...   Click to reply to this thread Reply
Marquis:

You and your rip off company can go somewhere else you "ANAL" crazy lady.

You mean my "rip off company" that a) does NOT offer editing services of any kind, and thus has absolutely NO financial interest in doing anything with your book, and b) produces books for Pulitzer winners, NYTimes and International bestsellers, as well as Oprah booklist selection authors? THAT "rip off company?" You should do some more research before you lash out.

I stopped by here again to see if there was anyone who needed help. As usual, it was a waste of time, and I blame myself for wasting it. Your ridiculously out-of-proportion responses simply indicate to everyone here that you've never done any serious writing, or you'd be well accustomed to far tougher critiques from critique groups, beta readers and editors by now, not to mention rejection letters from literary agents and publishers. What has been said to you here has been extremely kind and very nicely worded, so as not to hurt your feelings. A real critique group would have been far tougher on you, as would a creative writing class.

If you don't understand that a proper critique has nothing to do with how people feel, and is all about how poor the sentences are constructed, then there isn't any helping you. You've decided that for some reason, everyone who's tried to help you on this forum is "biased" or "mean" or "out to get you" for reasons I'm sure are clear to you and none of which are clear to any of us. None of us know you; we have absolutely nothing to gain by trying to help you; none of us earns any money in editing, so what, exactly, do you think we're "biased" about?

You seem to have convinced yourself that you were "fast typing" and that somehow, that excuses the fact that the prologue, at the very least, is unreadably bad. (Which is how I know a "lot" about the two deities in your story--you "infodump" the whole plotline in the prologue. That's what I read in the "look inside the book." Isn't that what you asked everyone to do? To read the free sample, and give you feedback? Everything I said to crazywriterlady is in the first five sentences of the prologue, each of which has at least two grammar and punctuation errors, and not less than one tense error.) Correct grammar and sentence structure isn't opinion or emotion, it's about writing well enough so that people can read your story. I'm sorry that you don't understand enough about writing to know that when you make a book difficult to read because of all the mistakes, it means that you won't get read. Which by now, I would think you would understand from that ONE sale problem of yours. Apparently not.

So, sure, you're right. That one sale means NOTHING. I suggest you run out and buy hundreds of dollars of Facebook and Google advertising, to drive traffic to that book. All it needs is some exposure, and then it will be no doubt a bestseller, so you can come back here and laugh in our faces. Good luck with that. I'm not wasting any more of my time with someone who is, literally, sitting there with his fingers in his ears saying "la-la-la-la-la-la-la" so he won't hear anything he doesn't want to hear.

Sorry I bothered to come by this forum again. You'd think I'd learn that it's not worth the aggravation.

Hitch
We produce ebooks
Listed as an Amazon Professional Conversion Service: http://bit.ly/uFwMwb
An INScribe Preferred Conversion Partner
http://www.booknook.biz/
Follow me on Twitter: @BookNookBiz
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur."
  • Red Adair
booknookbiz

Posts: 4,275
Registered: 03/04/10
Re: I need a Review for "Island of Yoi"
Posted: May 9, 2013 2:09 AM   in response to: 1001nightspress in response to: 1001nightspress
 
Click to report abuse...   Click to reply to this thread Reply
andreasanthomas:

Your book is perfect. Change nothing. Anyone who finds something to criticize is either a "grammar nazi" or a jealous competitor.

(Two thumbs up).

Hitch
We produce ebooks
Listed as an Amazon Professional Conversion Service: http://bit.ly/uFwMwb
An INScribe Preferred Conversion Partner
http://www.booknook.biz/
Follow me on Twitter: @BookNookBiz
"If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur."
  • Red Adair
Peter Elliott

Posts: 143
Registered: 03/02/13
Re: I need a Review for "Island of Yoi"
Posted: May 9, 2013 2:46 AM   in response to: booknookbiz in response to: booknookbiz
 
Click to report abuse...   Click to reply to this thread Reply
Marquis,

You are clearly a sensitive individual ill-suited to the level of rejection inherent in being an author. Look around you - everyone posting on here has suffered sometimes harsh criticism or rejection in their quest to become a writer. You will need to develop a tougher skin if you hope to make it as an author. I have read the forum posts that prompted you to get angry and found them to be as polite as could be expected. I am still baffled at your emotional reaction to the criticism and feedback you received.

Let me rephrase the feedback you have been getting in this forum in hopefully clearer terms - the issues in your book are not typos or a matter of taste. I have also read the introduction and unfortunately the grammar has so many problems that I couldn't understand what you were writing. Note that this is objective feedback, not subjective - the grammar is, by any measure, not at a publishable level. You need to practice more or hire a proofreader.

English is clearly not your first language so you need to accept criticism from those for whom it is. I speak fluent Japanese but would never consider writing a book in Japanese - and even if I did, I would prepare myself for the honest feedback I would get, in the hope that it would help me produce a better draft.
Legend
Helpful Answer
Correct Answer

Point your RSS reader here for a feed of the latest messages in all forums