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Thread: Check my blurb, please?


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Permlink Replies: 12 - Pages: 1 - Last Post: Jun 19, 2012 7:59 AM Last Post By: dansontanner
dansontanner

Posts: 452
Registered: 10/12/11
Check my blurb, please?
Posted: Jun 15, 2012 8:02 PM
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This is harder than writing the novel.

"Young Angus Fraser loses all dear to him and swears a blood oath to avenge his kin. Retired soldier of fortune, Thomas McAnders, befriends the inexperienced young man and agrees to help him on his quest. Angus' difficult task is further complicated by Thomas' beautiful young daughter. Torn between his oath to find the vriej-buit who murdered his family and his growing feelings for Geuselle, Angus sets out on the journey of a lifetime, riding the stormy winds of love and hate to find his destiny. Will love conquer all, or will new lovers be swept away in a tempest?"

Any thougts/critique appreciated
42rthomas

Posts: 1,397
Registered: 02/24/12
Re: Check my blurb, please?
Posted: Jun 15, 2012 8:31 PM   in response to: dansontanner in response to: dansontanner
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Is this genre specific? Fantasy or adventure or similar? What type of setting and/or era are you hitting? That can have a say in the blurb. The way it is feels fairly generic.

Hit me with some clues.
sbin59

Posts: 477
Registered: 01/16/12
Re: Check my blurb, please?
Posted: Jun 15, 2012 8:39 PM   in response to: dansontanner in response to: dansontanner
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Hi Dansotanner,

Your blurb doesn't flow well the way it is. Try thinking about how you can hook your reader into wanting to know more. Maybe something like: Blood oaths come at a price. One that Angus Fraser is willing to pay to find those that murdered his family. But when a beautiful young woman enters his life, he finds himself torn between his growing love for her and his oath. Will love conquer all? Or will new lovers be swept away in a tempest of love, hate and the stormy winds of destiny?

Hope this helps. :) Good luck with your book.
mollysnow

Posts: 1,009
Registered: 09/10/11
Re: Check my blurb, please?
Posted: Jun 15, 2012 9:22 PM   in response to: dansontanner in response to: dansontanner
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I noticed you used the word 'young' three times there. I like the last poster's example of a blurb. Hope this helps.
dansontanner

Posts: 452
Registered: 10/12/11
Re: Check my blurb, please?
Posted: Jun 16, 2012 4:08 AM   in response to: dansontanner in response to: dansontanner
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42th, early 18th century, historical fiction, series starting on european contintnent leading to american frontier.

sbin, you sound like th movie trailer voice, made me wanto to buy a ticket :) .

Mollys, you are right!

thanks!
42rthomas

Posts: 1,397
Registered: 02/24/12
Re: Check my blurb, please?
Posted: Jun 16, 2012 7:29 AM   in response to: dansontanner in response to: dansontanner
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Try building what you have on something like this.

The wind-swept heights tower above the clan lands of Angus Fraser. His heart is broken and his anger rages as he turns the last shovel of earth on his parent’s final resting place. He swears the blood oath to avenge the slaughter of his kin and with that vow is beholden to kill the vriej-built who murdered his family. But who can help him?
His journey quickly begins as he is swept up in a tempest of love and visceral hate that soon carries him to the new world and a life he had never imagined, his homeland but a distant memory as he now becomes the hunter.

I didn't look at the book, this is simply written off what your blurb contains so it may not match what you wrote but it gives you the idea of what you're going for.

Best success.
sargeking

Posts: 4,610
Registered: 01/13/10
Re: Check my blurb, please?
Posted: Jun 16, 2012 7:45 AM   in response to: 42rthomas in response to: 42rthomas
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42-you really gave that newbie an excellent perspective and I'm impressed by your blurb re-write, especially sans reading the book. You're a very good writer and you should be proud!
dansontanner

Posts: 452
Registered: 10/12/11
Re: Check my blurb, please?
Posted: Jun 16, 2012 8:05 AM   in response to: 42rthomas in response to: 42rthomas
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All I can say is, "wow!" You sure you didn't read it all? You captured all of the emotion from the whole book in a paragraph or two.

I've read dozens of blurbs in the past few weeks, and that, beats them all. I go to my cave now to practice blurbing.
42rthomas

Posts: 1,397
Registered: 02/24/12
Re: Check my blurb, please?
Posted: Jun 16, 2012 8:28 AM   in response to: dansontanner in response to: dansontanner
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Thanks danson and sarge. That makes me feel good. I only hope my own blurbs are as good. Not so sure sometimes.

I think blurbs are more about emotion than telling story elements.

BT

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jeanetteraleigh

Posts: 2,293
Registered: 05/30/11
Re: Check my blurb, please?
Posted: Jun 16, 2012 10:29 AM   in response to: dansontanner in response to: dansontanner
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Too many names, too soon...but the plot has potential...

When Angus Fraser loses all that is dear to him, he swears a blood oath to avenge his kin. Along the way Angus falls in love with the beautiful young daughter of a friend sworn to aid him with his oath. Torn between his promise for vengeance and his growing love for Geuselle, Angus sets out on the journey of a lifetime, riding the stormy winds of love and hate to find his destiny.

digilady

Posts: 264
Registered: 05/07/12
Re: Check my blurb, please?
Posted: Jun 16, 2012 2:19 PM   in response to: 42rthomas in response to: 42rthomas
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damn, you're good. I so suck at blurbs :(
42rthomas

Posts: 1,397
Registered: 02/24/12
Re: Check my blurb, please?
Posted: Jun 16, 2012 6:59 PM   in response to: jeanetteraleigh in response to: jeanetteraleigh
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Jeanette's blurb rewrite has good legs also. She puts emotion into it.

Thanks digi. I appreciate that.

BT
dansontanner

Posts: 452
Registered: 10/12/11
Re: Check my blurb, please?
Posted: Jun 19, 2012 7:58 AM   in response to: dansontanner in response to: dansontanner
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Been busy with things the past few days but wanted to stop in and say,"thank you" for all the suggstions.

Seeing all the variations and evolutions has been a tutorial for me for blurbing.

thanks again to all

p.s. J.raleigh, I forgot to thank you earlier, so, thank you very much!

Message was edited by: dansontanner
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