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Permlink Replies: 11 - Pages: 1 - Last Post: Mar 6, 2013 7:30 PM Last Post By: Jessican
Jessican

Posts: 652
Registered: 12/20/12
How's my blurb
Posted: Mar 6, 2013 1:08 PM
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http://www.amazon.com/My-Stupid-Girl-ebook/dp/B00AQRTFSU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1362604003&sr=8-1&keywords=my+stupid+girl

I am trying to do everything I can to jump sales. I'm wondering how the blurb is. I sold 1-2 each day last month. I've sold 5 this month so far.
extradimensions

Posts: 974
Registered: 05/19/09
Re: How's my blurb
Posted: Mar 6, 2013 2:19 PM   in response to: Jessican in response to: Jessican
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Great cover. :-) The writing inside is very good imho. I think you will eventually draw more and more word-of-mouth sales, which are invaluable, as more readers discover and enjoy your book. (How's the marketing going? Have you found where you target audience is and figured out how to get visibility for your book there?)

Regarding the blurb, my suggestion is to consider condensing the first two sentences. I'm not sure how, but maybe the blurb needs to do something more to suggest what the reader might find in your story and to entice the reader to buy the book. Is it just abuse, uncertainty, and a relationship? There's much more, right? Like I said, I'm not quite sure how best to convey this, I just feel like there may be an opportunity here.

My feeling is that many people will enjoy the writing and story, and eventually sales will grow. I all hope your hard work pays off. :-)
Jessican

Posts: 652
Registered: 12/20/12
Re: How's my blurb
Posted: Mar 6, 2013 2:33 PM   in response to: extradimensions in response to: extradimensions
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Thanks, Extra. I appreciate that. :)

The first two sentences are the most important. I swear I get bored after the first one if it doesn’t catch me.

I have an idea...write me an award winning blurb and I'll pay you a million dollars, how does that sound?

I swear, writing a book was easier. Although I did spend a lot of time on the blurb, you can’t help but question things.
Helen Page

Posts: 223
Registered: 01/12/13
Re: How's my blurb
Posted: Mar 6, 2013 2:41 PM   in response to: Jessican in response to: Jessican
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Oh my gosh, you've changed the cover. How did I miss that. Loved the other cover but this is good to.

I'd delete "does something extraordinary.". Let the reader decide if it is. More striking I think to have just the act on the page, rather than editorializing. I agree, this book could be a sleeper.
catchester

Posts: 366
Registered: 07/20/10
Re: How's my blurb
Posted: Mar 6, 2013 3:03 PM   in response to: Jessican in response to: Jessican
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I dont really know enoug to write a whole blurb but how about starting with something like

"David likes being a wallflower, so a heroic rescue of the smart, funny and gorgeous Lucy, from a freezing Montana lake, was not part of his plan for that morning. Little does he know that one little rescue, will have far reaching consequences for his life."

I might also say something about him learning to come out of his shell, overcome his shyness/wallflower tenancies.

Love the cover BTW.
Jessican

Posts: 652
Registered: 12/20/12
Re: How's my blurb
Posted: Mar 6, 2013 3:22 PM   in response to: catchester in response to: catchester
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Catchester, that's really good! I'm going to play with your words, playing with my words. :D thanks
catchester

Posts: 366
Registered: 07/20/10
Re: How's my blurb
Posted: Mar 6, 2013 3:31 PM   in response to: Jessican in response to: Jessican
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"I'm going to play with your words, playing with my words"

Is that what they call a circle jerk? ;-)
martitalbott

Posts: 4,066
Registered: 07/29/10
Re: How's my blurb
Posted: Mar 6, 2013 3:38 PM   in response to: Jessican in response to: Jessican
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All seventeen-year-old David really wants is to fly under life's radar. In a typical cold winter day in Montana he does something extraordinary: rescues smart, funny, gorgeous good-girl Lucy Peterson from drowning in a freezing lake. As their friendship grows, David realizes that risking his life was the easy part. His friendship with a girl who is different from him in every imaginable way forces David to challenge himself and those around him. He must face the abuse of his past and the uncertainty of his future as he struggles to keep Lucy by his side.

Hum, I think I would leave the abuse thing out of it. If your main idea is a love story, then mentioning abuse might turn readers away. Let them find out later. Or, you could say something like -- "Brought up in the school of hard knocks, seventeen-year-old David (LAST NAME) really wants to stay under life's radar". --- This sentence is good. Change the first word to On, instead of In --n a typical cold winter day in Montana(,) he does something extraordinary: (he) rescues smart, funny, gorgeous good-girl Lucy Peterson from drowning in a freezing lake.

Now it is a little flat.
I suggest you take a good look at your first chapter, which I assume gets your readers hooked. Build your blurb from that and don't try to tell the rest of the story. Add a hook sentence to the end and you've got it. A hook sentence is something like...David could never have guessed what would happen next.

Just food for thought.
Marcy Henshaw

Posts: 4,224
Registered: 09/29/12
Re: How's my blurb
Posted: Mar 6, 2013 3:45 PM   in response to: martitalbott in response to: martitalbott
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Jessica I forgot to tell you my first real crush in 7th grade was a David Johnson. Of course to this day I'm sure he has no idea that I ever existed.
Jessican

Posts: 652
Registered: 12/20/12
Re: How's my blurb
Posted: Mar 6, 2013 4:25 PM   in response to: martitalbott in response to: martitalbott
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Thank you, martitalbott. That's really good.
scribblr

Posts: 3,309
Registered: 05/08/08
Re: How's my blurb
Posted: Mar 6, 2013 5:46 PM   in response to: Jessican in response to: Jessican
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You're correct that the blurb is one of the toughest things to write. That's because you have about twenty seconds to grab the interest of a reader unfamiliar with your work. There is such a large body of work out there that you must hit them between the eyes with the potential of the book before they can leave. Your cover got them to the page, now your blurb has to make them want to read the sample.

I might have written something like:

On a freezing day in Montana, David does something totally out of character— he rescues smart and funny Lucy Peterson from drowning in an ice-covered lake. As someone whose goal in life might have been defined as remaining under the radar of fellow townspeople, the attention directed at him from local citizens and especially a gorgeous and grateful young woman, is— intimidating. As David's relationship with Lucy grows, he realizes that risking his life in that lake was the easy part.

Of course, everyone will have different ideas about what to include in the blurb and how to state it. This is just my opinion. Good luck.
Jessican

Posts: 652
Registered: 12/20/12
Re: How's my blurb
Posted: Mar 6, 2013 7:30 PM   in response to: scribblr in response to: scribblr
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Thank you! I appreciate that a ton!
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