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Permlink Replies: 15 - Pages: 2 [ 1 2 | Next ] - Last Post: Jun 16, 2012 2:40 AM Last Post By: ajwalkerauthor
ajwalkerauthor

Posts: 20
Registered: 06/12/12
Need help with my blurb
Posted: Jun 12, 2012 7:55 AM
 
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Hi everyone! I just received the cover art for my upcoming fantasy novel HARD WINTER. The book will be released via Kindle Direct Publishing and Smashwords in a few days. I was wondering if I could get your help with my blurb. It's at the link below:

genreauthor.blogspot.com

thank you!

A.J.


A.J. Walker, author
Roots Run Deep, fantasy romance (Double Dragon)
Murder at McMurdo, Antarctic murder mystery (LL-Publications)
http://genreauthor.blogspot.com/
Twitter: @ajwalkerauthor

ignaciodemure

Posts: 1,920
Registered: 11/13/11
Re: Need help with my blurb
Posted: Jun 12, 2012 9:26 AM   in response to: ajwalkerauthor in response to: ajwalkerauthor
 
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blurb? aj this is an epic
martitalbott

Posts: 4,066
Registered: 07/29/10
Re: Need help with my blurb
Posted: Jun 12, 2012 9:31 AM   in response to: ajwalkerauthor in response to: ajwalkerauthor
 
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Actually, it is very well written. However, I think you give too much of the story away. It would be better just to focus on one character. Your opening line is brilliant. See if you can trim the body down and make your closing line just as brilliant. With your talent, I am certain you can.

Remember, you're trying to temp the reader to click on that lovely buy button. Tantalize him or her -- hint at what is to come --- ask a question they will buy to get the answer to.
writeranne

Posts: 540
Registered: 05/09/12
Re: Need help with my blurb
Posted: Jun 12, 2012 9:32 AM   in response to: ajwalkerauthor in response to: ajwalkerauthor
 
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I agree with the other posters. It's much too long. The definition of a blurb is that it is a short summary. Unfortunately, your "blurb" is so long and detailed, it lost me about three paragraphs in.

You need to grab your reader's attention with the blurb and leave them craving more, not give them an accounting of the entire book.

Short, punchy sentences (about 5 or 6 IMHO) that really set the tone of your book...that's a blurb.
golem2b

Posts: 792
Registered: 04/12/11
Re: Need help with my blurb
Posted: Jun 12, 2012 10:04 AM   in response to: ajwalkerauthor in response to: ajwalkerauthor
 
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Your Blurb:

Man, this part really needs help. Write a new one. Here is a quick and easy template to follow: Yes folks will say that it is "trite," or whatever, but it DOES work, as in people WILL read it, and getting them "hooked" on your book with your blurb is step ONE in getting them to click the "BUY NOW" button.

(Actually, it is step two, after your cover gets them to read your blurb.)

Here is a very effective formula for writing blurbs:

Space down one in the text box. This moves the blurb slightly away from the "Product Description" header. It's a cleaner look.

One intro line: (I put this line in italics).

Five lines of text, double-spaced. (Four lines works too).

One outro line. Like this:

[i]The gripping story of one man's struggle to save his tortilla stand.
[/i]

Tortillas were all Juan Rodriquez knew, and all he loved.

Now the ruthless thugs of Del Monte Foods want to kill his dream.

How far will Juan go to protect what is his?

A story filled with passion, drama, and even . . . murder.

[b][i]The Burrito Stand of Death[/i] is the exciting debut novel by Alan Smithee[/b]

See? Easy-peesy!

ignaciodemure

Posts: 1,920
Registered: 11/13/11
Re: Need help with my blurb
Posted: Jun 12, 2012 10:08 AM   in response to: golem2b in response to: golem2b
 
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what if your book's not about tortillas?
martitalbott

Posts: 4,066
Registered: 07/29/10
Re: Need help with my blurb
Posted: Jun 12, 2012 11:19 AM   in response to: writeranne in response to: writeranne
 
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Short, punchy sentences (about 5 or 6 IMHO) that
really set the tone of your book...that's a blurb.

Short punchy sentences? Ah, no. That might make the reader think the entire book is short choppy sentences. The blurb should show at least a little of the author's talent.
martitalbott

Posts: 4,066
Registered: 07/29/10
Re: Need help with my blurb
Posted: Jun 12, 2012 11:26 AM   in response to: golem2b in response to: golem2b
 
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What?

One outro line. Like this:

The gripping story of one man's struggle to save his tortilla stand.

I don't think it ever works to talk to the reader directly or to "tell" the reader that it is a "gripping" story. They are the ones who decide if it is gripping or not. If it is, they will tell their friends. If it turns out not to be "gripping" you risk a bad review.
ablake29

Posts: 800
Registered: 10/28/11
Re: Need help with my blurb
Posted: Jun 12, 2012 12:58 PM   in response to: ajwalkerauthor in response to: ajwalkerauthor
 
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Great website.
The first line of the blurb is a real hook.
Way too long blurb. Personally I only read a one or two paragraph blurb. If the blurb itself is too wordy and convoluted I assume the book is too.
Great cover.
Cut, cut, cut.
Good luck.
Alison
ajwalkerauthor

Posts: 20
Registered: 06/12/12
Re: Need help with my blurb
Posted: Jun 12, 2012 1:35 PM   in response to: ajwalkerauthor in response to: ajwalkerauthor
 
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The majority says it needs trimming. How's this?

His past has been erased, his future is uncertain, but he knows one thing—in the coming revolution he must choose which friend to support and which to betray.

The Dragonkin have ruled the human race for centuries, but now the eastern territories have broken away and a blight has left thousands of humans destitute. Assassinations and riots plague the cities.

While the empire’s future is in peril, one man struggles to reclaim his past. Recorro lost his wife to the Gatherers, shadowy beings that prowl the streets on moonless nights. Those who witness their passing are forever changed. Recorro can remember nothing about his wife beyond the fact that she existed.

Aimless and struggling with despair, Recorro joins the army gathering to crush the rebels. What he discovers there may answer all his questions, and topple the empire he swore to uphold.


A.J. Walker, author
Roots Run Deep, fantasy romance (Double Dragon)
Murder at McMurdo, Antarctic murder mystery (LL-Publications)
http://genreauthor.blogspot.com/
Twitter: @ajwalkerauthor

pjrawls

Posts: 71
Registered: 05/12/12
Re: Need help with my blurb
Posted: Jun 12, 2012 2:34 PM   in response to: ajwalkerauthor in response to: ajwalkerauthor
 
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That's a great edit - it's one of the very few blurbs I've seen posted on this forum that actually makes me want to read the book.
golem2b

Posts: 792
Registered: 04/12/11
Re: Need help with my blurb
Posted: Jun 12, 2012 3:51 PM   in response to: martitalbott in response to: martitalbott
 
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Well, you got me there . . . ;-)

Maybe I should write a "book" about writing blurbs . . .

then pimp it on this forum?

Would that make me more credible?

[b]How about a testimonial?[/b]

[i]Oh my. I love that!! I love the title change, too!! Too late to change, unfortunately, as the cover is already made. But I'll give that title to the author for his next one, because I know he's planning another.

You've got a real talent for this![/i]

ajwalkerauthor

Posts: 20
Registered: 06/12/12
Re: Need help with my blurb
Posted: Jun 14, 2012 8:07 AM   in response to: pjrawls in response to: pjrawls
 
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Thanks for the help everybody! The shorter version is the one I'll go with. Uploading tomorrow!


A.J. Walker, author
Roots Run Deep, fantasy romance (Double Dragon)
Murder at McMurdo, Antarctic murder mystery (LL-Publications)
http://genreauthor.blogspot.com/
Twitter: @ajwalkerauthor

fresiegrant

Posts: 169
Registered: 12/19/11
Re: Need help with my blurb
Posted: Jun 14, 2012 8:28 AM   in response to: ajwalkerauthor in response to: ajwalkerauthor
 
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I've read the shorter version and I loved it. Everybody's right, the first line is a killer. It definitely makes me want to read the book.

Good luck!
petaward

Posts: 2,458
Registered: 01/25/11
Re: Need help with my blurb
Posted: Jun 14, 2012 8:32 AM   in response to: ajwalkerauthor in response to: ajwalkerauthor
 
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Your first sentence is all you need. It's strong and succinct. The rest was too wordy and explained to much.

But I might be wrong.

Best of luck. The cover looks good.

Joanna
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